Men Are Men. But Then Sometimes We Aren't...
Great relationships are like emotional and physical two-way streets. And though it's easy for most to admit this, many don't realize that they are often coasting in neutral. Or worse yet, driving down the wrong side of the street.
Go and ask the average woman to describe what makes a man a man, and you're likely to get responses like "strong"... "protector"... "provider"... "hard-working"... "self-reliant"...etc. Ask a man and you're likely to hear pretty much the same thing. Now don't get me wrong, they are all very apt descriptors! But too often it's forgotten that there are many times when we are also vulnerable, insecure, scared, or emotional. Or to put it more succinctly, it's forgotten that we're human. With a full range of emotions and needs.
In all honesty, guys want and need love just as much as women. We want and need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated just as much as women. We want to be shown that our women are as emotionally and physically attracted to us as we are to them. We absolutely crave and cherish the feelings that come with being in love. Now, we might not outright admit it, but it's the truth.
You see, men learned very early on that exhibiting any emotion that presented itself as anything other than strength and resilience was weakness. It's "gay." It's "soft." It's "punk shit because big boys don't cry." We're taught that "only girls and sissies are emotional", because men stand tall and weather the storm, no matter what is thrown at us. So we end up less likely to give voice to these emotional and physical wants and needs.
The problem this presents is that accepting these falsehoods as truth creates men who are damaged, often without them even realizing that they're damaged. Then these same damaged men enter into relationships without understanding what a successful relationship requires. Things like sympathy, empathy and earnest communication are foreign concepts to a lot of them. Everything comes out as anger, disinterest or sarcasm. And if someone attempts to bring this to their attention, they get defensive or pissed off because...well, because deflection and anger are our go-to responses. These responses feel 'masculine' and 'unsissified', so they're familiar and comfortable...and safe.
So what does this all mean, you ask? Well, for starters...
Ladies, learn to give the same emotional and physical comfort to your man that you want or need from him. Listen when he attempts to open up. Console him when he allows his hurt and vulnerability to peek through. Make him feel safe enough to verbalize his hurt feelings. And take time to initiate sex sometimes. Let him see and understand that you want and crave him just as much as he does you.
Guys, if you trust and love your woman, allow yourself to be vulnerable with her. Talk to her, not at her. Learn how to express emotions other than anger and indifference. Learn how to accept the fact that it doesn't make you any less of a man because you enjoy being cherished and loved by your woman. And lastly, allow her to be what you need. Show her that you appreciate her for putting up with your damaged ass.
But then again, what do I know? I'm just a guy with an opinion and a laptop, and these are...
...JUST MY OBSERVATIONS
Go and ask the average woman to describe what makes a man a man, and you're likely to get responses like "strong"... "protector"... "provider"... "hard-working"... "self-reliant"...etc. Ask a man and you're likely to hear pretty much the same thing. Now don't get me wrong, they are all very apt descriptors! But too often it's forgotten that there are many times when we are also vulnerable, insecure, scared, or emotional. Or to put it more succinctly, it's forgotten that we're human. With a full range of emotions and needs.
In all honesty, guys want and need love just as much as women. We want and need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated just as much as women. We want to be shown that our women are as emotionally and physically attracted to us as we are to them. We absolutely crave and cherish the feelings that come with being in love. Now, we might not outright admit it, but it's the truth.
You see, men learned very early on that exhibiting any emotion that presented itself as anything other than strength and resilience was weakness. It's "gay." It's "soft." It's "punk shit because big boys don't cry." We're taught that "only girls and sissies are emotional", because men stand tall and weather the storm, no matter what is thrown at us. So we end up less likely to give voice to these emotional and physical wants and needs.
The problem this presents is that accepting these falsehoods as truth creates men who are damaged, often without them even realizing that they're damaged. Then these same damaged men enter into relationships without understanding what a successful relationship requires. Things like sympathy, empathy and earnest communication are foreign concepts to a lot of them. Everything comes out as anger, disinterest or sarcasm. And if someone attempts to bring this to their attention, they get defensive or pissed off because...well, because deflection and anger are our go-to responses. These responses feel 'masculine' and 'unsissified', so they're familiar and comfortable...and safe.
So what does this all mean, you ask? Well, for starters...
Ladies, learn to give the same emotional and physical comfort to your man that you want or need from him. Listen when he attempts to open up. Console him when he allows his hurt and vulnerability to peek through. Make him feel safe enough to verbalize his hurt feelings. And take time to initiate sex sometimes. Let him see and understand that you want and crave him just as much as he does you.
Guys, if you trust and love your woman, allow yourself to be vulnerable with her. Talk to her, not at her. Learn how to express emotions other than anger and indifference. Learn how to accept the fact that it doesn't make you any less of a man because you enjoy being cherished and loved by your woman. And lastly, allow her to be what you need. Show her that you appreciate her for putting up with your damaged ass.
But then again, what do I know? I'm just a guy with an opinion and a laptop, and these are...
...JUST MY OBSERVATIONS
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