Boundaries


Relationships can often be complicated by the smallest and simplest of things. And sometimes those things that seem so small to one may seem NOT so small to the other. It's like, one moment things can be going along great and then before you know it, there are cold shoulders and strained silences. Next thing you know, one or both of you are seeking comfort outside of your relationship. By now, I'm sure you're probably wondering what the hell I'm babbling about and what do "Boundaries" have to do with any of it? See, here's the thing...


When in a relationship, I believe that some ex's cannot and should not be considered as friends. Period. And not seeing eye to eye on something like that can lead to bigger problems down the road. It's not that all ex's should be excluded but the ones who can't seem to respect the boundaries of your relationship should be gotten rid of, so to speak.


I feel like there shouldn't even be a need for your partner to have to voice that. Everyone has an idea on what is and what isn't disrepectful and, oftentimes, these ideas can vary greatly but there is certainly a general understanding. And ignoring that "general understanding" can make your partner begin to wonder about what makes this friend (and I use that term loosely) so important to keep around. Whether or not there really is something to wonder about can end up taking a backseat to the way things appear.

And yes, trust is extremely important but the reality is 'blind trust' is unrealistic. Trust is earned and then maintained through your actions. For instance, say you come home one day and find some guy/girl sitting in your livingroom. Your mate introduces you to her/his friend...Fine. No problem...Now imagine that this friend is over your house more and more often and you let your mate know that you'd like it to stop. They say ok and you believe that that's the end of it. Because you trust them. Then you find out that he/she has still been coming by but just being sure to leave before you get home. This in and of itself isn't proof that something is going on between the two of them but it can definitely crack the foundation of trust that you have within your relationship.

For the record, I firmly believe that ex's can be good, hell, even great friends. Just not ALL ex's. And you definitely shouldn't have to wait for your mate to voice the obvious. There is APPROPRIATE and then there is INAPPROPRIATE. And the difference between the two are usually quite apparent. Taking the initiative in handling a situation like that is guaranteed to only strengthen the bond between the two you.

Well I suppose I have droned on long enough on this matter because at the end of the day these are...

...JUST MY OBSERVATION

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